Hjemme igjen

I am back from my five-day trip to Oslo. I visited the new opera house, which was designed by the architecture firm Snøhetta, and hit some old favorites, such as the National Gallery and the National Library. The interview and lecture for the postdoctoral fellowship went just fine. I won't know the results until after 22 August, which seems an awful long time to wait (Okay, it's an eternity!). But such is life.

It was a tiring trip, and nerves kept me from sleeping well. I did get to catch up with some friends and with some students from the early 1990s, which was really a blast. But here is what I was missing out on:

So sweet! It was great to come home to the boys!

Tigerstaden!

I fly out tomorrow for my interview in Oslo. Yippee!

The lecture is in a form that I could present in a pinch, and I'll have three days there to tinker before the actual delivery.

I know pretty much what to expect at the interview (although the lunch with the committee members and the other candidate may be challenging!), and I have a list of fun (for me) activities I want to do in museums and archives. Plus I have to find the coolest Norwegian toy in Oslo to bring home for E.

In the lecture I'm going to have some fun doing things with texts. I'm going to deal with three: Knutsen og Ludvigsen's "Eventyret om en melodi," Knut Hamsun's Pan (1894), and Erlend Loe's Doppler (2004). The assigned topic for the lecture is "Forskning og undervisning i nordisk litteratur i en globalisert verden."

Somewhat surprisingly, the University is putting me up in what appears to be a very nice, super-modern hotel, Hotel Thon Gyldenløve, which bills itself as a "designhotell" (that's "design hotel" for those of you unable to figure out the incredibly complex orthography of Norwegian). Totally unnecessary to shell out for a $200/night room, but I have to admit I'm looking forward to five nights there. I'm almost considering it as a mini vacation as much as an interview--not that I haven't been madly preparing for the past two weeks, but I just really want to have my head in the right space. This position would mean so much for me both personally and professionally. To say that it's a dream job is an understatement. But jobs come and go, so I'm trying to remain sanguine.

fordeler og ulemper

Why, actually, do we want to move? We could continue as we are for any amount of time. Why all the trauma?

Pros (real or perceived)

1. We both love the location of our home in Norway. It has great sentimental value, since KE inherited the land upon the death of his father and designed the house himself. It's a cool, artsy community, close to the center of everything (a short ferry ride from Oslo), but still extremely quiet and laid back.

2. I think that Norway would be a better place to raise our son. I think the schools are better, in that they stress independent thinking more than here, and haven't fallen into the testing trap.

3. Proximity to the sea. Our house in Norway is a ten minute walk to a marina, where we have a boat slip and a beat up old motor boat. Both of us grew up close to the water, and miss it here.

4. Finances. Higher earning power in Norway and less to pay off on the mortgage there mean that we would get ahead sooner. Our lives will be so much easier once we have only one property to worry about, and once the mortgage debt is gone we'll be in a much better position.

5. Proximity to the rest of Europe. What can I say? I'm one of those obnoxious Americans who deeply and obsessively loves European cultures. I know that's irritating to lots of people, but it's just the way I am.

6. KE's happiness. He never even wanted to visit the U.S., let alone move here.

Cons (real or perceived)

1. Distance from my family, especially my mother.

2. My career. If I get the fellowship I'm in a great position to continue. If I don't, the move may well signal the end of my career. That could be a really good thing for me. It could also be disastrous.

3. Ice. Lots of it. For months and months. I don't mind snow and darkness, but I can't abide icy sidewalks.

4. Isolation. I seem to go in waves: In some places I've lived, I have developed great friendships. In others I can't seem to connect (that's the case where we are now). I'm anxious about my ability to build up a strong network of friends, especially now in my 40s. It only gets harder, I think.

Ja vi elsker...

Next week I have to give the speech at the local Sons of Norway Lodge's Norwegian constitution day celebration. It has me thinking about nationalism.

It is also part of my work. I dug up a book on the history of the Norwegian national anthem, "Sang for Norge," popularly known as "Ja, vi elsker." it has some fabulous nationalist propaganda images. Lo and behold, on one of them there is a little cabin tucked in the background (see above, in the grassy area to the right of the flag-draped bautastein). This, of course, is highly relevant to my next big research project, which will be an examination of cabins in Norwegian literature from 1814-2005. One of the things that most fascinates me about Scandinavia is the vacation home culture that has developed there. It was one of the things that most struck me way back when I was a highschool exchange student. When I met KE and started hanging out on Nesodden, the topic resurfaced. His house is built on the site of a former cabin, and in his neighborhood every other dwelling is a cabin. I'm really excited to get to work on teasing out what cabins signify throughout Norway's recent cultural history...

Håp!

Just got word that I am one of two finalists for a fellowship in Norway! Suddenly our dreams seem a lot more realistic. It's all out of my hands, but being one of two rather than one in an unknown number of applicants (there were actually only four, but I imagined dozens) makes it seem so much more possible...

Pengeknipe

Ack! Our finances, and all the unknown variables and the state of the market right now are really keeping me up at night. It's not like we're in money trouble or anything like that. We have no consumer debt at all, but we do carry two mortgages--one for the house in Norway and one for the house here in the US. The Norway mortgage, taxes, and insurance are covered by our rental income, so that takes care of itself. Our house payment here in the US is at a great (fixed) interest rate that we can easily afford on one salary (which is all we have). Yet still I lie awake worrying. Here are some of the numbers and scenarios that are keeping me up at night...

1. We figure we'll have a little over 700,000 NOK left on the Norway mortgage by the time we make the move. That figure used to be about 100,000 USD, but right now with the phenomenally weak dollar, it's about 140,000 USD!

2. Originally, when we made the plan to move back, we figured we might easily make around 100,000 USD on the sale of this house. Now, with the market softening here in the Northwest, that is probably not realistic any more. And even if we do make a goodly sum (we have a pretty good chunk of equity), that money may be essentially useless to us overseas. As the housing market gets worse, I begin to worry that we may not even get our down payment out of a sale, if we can even actually sell.

KE is admirably sanguine about the whole thing. He reminds me that I have made extremely good profits on the sales of the two houses I have previously owned, and that the hit won't do more than set us back a little. But it has been one of my primary life goals since about 2001 to become totally debt free. I dream of that day like other people dream about becoming a star or winning the lottery. I dream of being able to direct every penny or øre that I earn (other than taxes and such) to what I believe in and what I think is best for my family. I have been so eager to achieve this, and for a while it looked like it could happen simultaneously with the move. Now it's looking less and less likely, and I'm bummed about it.

3. Jobs. We have no idea what we'll be doing, whether one or both (or neither) of us will find work, or what kind of income we'll have. Since the house is a duplex we can always rent out half of it to help cover living expenses, and since we live very frugally our expenses won't be very high, but still we do need at least some kind of income stream!

4. Market timing. We don't have to move in June 2009. We just want to for symbolic reasons: we originally agreed to 5 years in the US, and it would also mark the completion of KE's bachelor's degree. It would give E the chance to go to pre-school in Norway and make friends there before real school starts for him. I moved to the house I grew up in when I was 4 and stayed there until I left for college, and I guess it seems natural to me that E would have a similar experience. But given how bad things are with the housing market (and how much work this house needs) and given that I have a good job with great job security, it might make sense to push back the move date a year or two. I'm leery of doing so because I know after a certain length of time inertia sets in, and it gets harder and harder to uproot.

Sigh. There are no answers to any of these issues, no clear indicator of what is smart and what is stupid. Meanwhile, at 3 o'clock in the morning the crushing weight of two mortgages and an uncertain future can really get to me!

Hjemmefronten

Among the things that one doesn't think about at first when one decides to up stakes and move overseas is how much time and energy goes into the home that one is leaving. This past month has been filled with tending the home fires, both metaphorically and more literally. We've been doing taxes, visiting elderly relatives, looking at paint samples, and getting bids to have the exterior of our house painted. These tasks have a tendency to strengthen ties rather than make it easier to detach oneself.

I'm really excited to get the exterior painted, and have plans for some small repairs to the interior over the summer. And in the mail today the local neighborhood newsletter announced that a neighborhood-wide garage sale is being planned for July. I am thrilled, and already sent off an email to get involved. It will be a fantastic way to start paring down more of the material goods that are lurking all over the place in our house.

Spring has also arrived here in the Pacific Northwest, and our very large (and very uncouth) yard is starting to pull itself together and start looking pretty again. All those corners that look dismal in the gray, wet winter, are starting to come to life. I think every year when spring comes, KE perks up and starts to reconsider the plan to move back to Norway. Then the summer heat comes along and he starts longing for home again. I'm getting used to his cycles.

But all in all, April is feeling a little strange and unsettling. The nesting instinct is surprisingly strong.