Grinebiter

The people I most admire are the ones who are able to rise above every day frustrations with serenity, humor and kindness. I am not one of those people. I've been cranky for most of the day. Sometimes I get so filled up with irritation that I just want to spit, or pinch someone hard: having to do things over again, forgetting things, spending money unnecessarily, people who stand right in front of the doors on the subway so I can't get out, ice on the sidewalks, the smell of smoke in my office, the list goes on and on. I don't really have anything to say about this other that, hey, I'm grumpy today. Proceed with caution.

But actually, the small non-grumpy part of my personality is doing okay. I helped a colleague with something today and I think it was really appreciated. Despite spending a lot of time on that I still got some work done on the Frobenius article and cranked through four or five tedious tasks that needed doing. I still have more tedious stuff (it never ends) and some big things too--like US federal income taxes--but at least I'm not drowning in it all like I sometimes feel.

I also picked up that extra skein of black yarn for the baby blanket, so I'll probably finally finish that in the next day or two. Then it's lace curtain knitting until I reach 120 cm or have a stroke, whichever comes first. I think right now I'm at about 97 cm. I have so many potential projects flying around in my head that It's dizzying, but I so want to have the experience of having no project in process, if only for a day. It's good discipline, if nothing else.

Given how many times I've strained my hands and wrists this winter with knitting and crocheting, I'm starting to give some serious thought to what I could occupy myself with if this becomes chronic. My immediate thought is that a life without handwork would be hard to maintain. For whatever reason, I am hardwired to make things. I don't have any particular need for artistic expression, but I do need to be constructing things, and preferably things that serve a practical purpose. Reading or other quiet leisure activities are fine, but they're not a viable substitute, since there's no material end product (plus I read for a living, which makes it less appealing as a leisure activity).

I've decided that machine sewing would be the logical skill to start building up. I have written before here about how stressed out machine sewing makes me. I hate feeling so incompetent and at the mercy of a machine. I have the same kind of irrational tunnel vision about a sewing machine that some people have about computers. I get nervous just looking at it, and that means that I get erratic, instantly furious, and absurdly incompetent as soon as I try to start sewing. It is not pretty. Yet at the same time, I love the idea of sewing clothes and other practical items. I love the look of tidy seams and exactly the right fabrics and colors, but nothing I've ever sewn on a machine has ever turned out right.

So I was poking around on Amazon looking at some of the sewing books that get mentioned on the blogs I follow, and I discovered one book that looks different from the rest. It's incredibly minimalist and, well, very Japanese. The book is Linen, Wool, Cotton: 25 Simple Projects to Sew with Natural Fabrics by Akiko Mano. Despite totally hating the project on the front cover, it looks like there are many things that I would like to make. There's a preview of many pages of the book here so you can check it out yourself. Some of the projects are so simple that it's embarrassing that I would need a book to teach me how to make them, but honestly I'm so incompetent that I need the most remedial projects imaginable to practice on--things like kitchen towels and handkerchiefs that are literally just rectangles!

Insomnia

It's been a long time since I was struck with insomnia, but I'm right in the throes of it now, at 2:34:06 am. I've read through all my usual blogs and updated some project pages on Ravelry. I'm pretty sure I have developed a cavity. I am getting hungry. My ear hurts from wearing glasses while lying prone against a pillow on the sofa. The tip of the middle finger of my right hand is cracked and sore. My nose is a bit stuffy. You know, the usual minutia of sleeplessness.

This week in knitting, after finishing the linen tunic I knitted a crazy hat for my mother:

It's called a "Corrugated Touque" and it's from an old Vogue Knitting from the late 80s or early 90s. The yarn I used, Knitpicks Telemark was too thick, so it ended up being much larger than it was supposed to be, but my mom claims to like it that way since it covers her ears.

I then started in on the Drops a-line pullover using that Highlander yarn that R gave me. It's a goofy pattern: you start on size 15mm needles, drop down to size 12mm, and then finish the piece with size 9mm (but I used 8mm since 9mm is now practically the only size I don't already own). The change in gauge is enough to give the piece a distinct a-line shape. Kinda cool. I actually really like the way the variegated yarn is knitting up, though I'm less enthusiastic about the super big gauge at the bottom. I think I would have preferred to use the size 8mm needles throughout and do the shaping by decreases. But since I am planning on using it like a fleece pullover--a knock around thing that doesn't have to look nice--I guess it's okay that you can stick your fingers right through anywhere on the lower third of it.

Yesterday my mom and I went to Tjorven to get yarn for a sweater coat for her. She ended up choosing a really nice coppery blend that will be fun to knit. I also picked up 8 different colors of Drops Alpaca for the fair isle yoke pullover I'm planning as my first project for 2010. I'll be very curious to see how the colors I chose work out. It's been ages since I did any fair isle knitting. I know there's an awful lot to consider when putting together a fair isle pattern, and I'm really just going to wing this one, so I'm a bit apprehensive. Though not apprehensive enough to really do anything about it.

Done with oral exams for my class, and in the midst of grading final papers for other classes, plus trying to finish an article by the 18th. E turned 5 on Wednesday, and was ever so sweet and excited about it. We're having his birthday party on Sunday. I think 5 kids are coming, so that's not so bad.

Unfortunately, KE and I are both pretty cranky these days. I think winter is getting us both down a bit. It's been fun to have my mom here for the week, though. I drive her up to the airport later this morning, so I had really better try to get some sleep...

Evig opposisjon

My guy got elected, in case you hadn't heard. And even before he takes office, I'm starting to feel leery. A friend just posted a link to this commentary on Facebook, and it gave me a sinking feeling to read it. It's a pretty biting criticism of Obama's ideological positioning.

Looking back, I think I got swept up in the same hysteria as everyone else: Obama has the extraordinary ability to absorb whatever hopes and aspirations people from all points on the political spectrum project onto him. I actually thought he was a leftist. That is really demoralizing, because more than anything it means that I bought the anti-Obama republican propaganda.

So, as Obama's cabinent and policies start to take shape, this leaves me back where I always am: in the eternal opposition...

Maybe I actually really am a kverulant (a "curmudgeon" for the non-Norwegian speakers). And becoming more of one. I was at a meeting yesterday with really delightful colleagues from across campus. We were evaluating and ranking fellowship applications. The discussion was earnest, collegial, and serious. Yet I find that I have absolutely no patience. I was short, interrupted people, and was cranky. I had no earthly reason to be that way. For some reason, perhaps because I'm so out of practice in social interactions in general, I'm having a really hard time behaving myself. I'm not really sure when I turned into such a misanthrope. I think I used to have more social skills. Now people just get on my nerves. This is ridiculous! I really need to get my act together, especially as I enter a new job setting in a temporary position.

Demotivert

This was a hard weekend for me, not because I did anything at all (I didn't), but because my lack of motivation and direction started to get me down. There have been a couple of tasks I desperately needed to accomplish, and I had put them off every day for over a week. These are things that need to be done right away, crucial things that pertain to our move, yet for some reason I couldn't bring myself to do them. I've been incredibly cranky, and have picked some really stupid fights (well not fights, but totally unnecessary spats over minutia) with poor, long suffering KE.

Finally, after a long talk with a very sympathetic KE, I got him to promise to nag (or shame) me into doing them yesterday. My prime motivation was the fact that there was a one-day-only yarn sale at one of the local shops. I know that's pathetic, but it took rewarding me with a trip to the shop to get me to do what I had to do. Unfortunately, the trip didn't turn out as fun as I would have liked. I had E with me, and a few minutes into browsing he peed his pants. Sigh. Toddlerdom.

What I did manage to buy was good old Sugar 'n' Cream for making dishcloths like these, only in off white. Very satisifying knitting, I must say, and the dishcloth it produces is really cool.


Otherwise, I'm slowly progressing on the "rillejakke." I have the peplum and back done, and have started on one of the fronts. It's starting to get awkward since it's all knitted together rather than sewn together at the end:


I got my package of buttons from the McCain campaign the other day (still waiting on the Democrats...). The one that has really given me pause is this one:

I'm flabbergasted. Apparently this is supposed to project a positive message about the fact that the Republican vice presidential candidate was a woman, but I just can't imagine a more denigrating way of expressing that! In a weird way this button completely infantilizes the candidate. It also expresses a weird exhuberance about the candidate's gender, as if that's the only thing that matters. I showed it to a bunch of friends at women's dinner last night, and they first thought it must be a button intended to make fun of the candidate. They were incredulous when I told them I had bought it from the GOP itself!

And finally, a couple of finished objects from last week: the turban hat from Folk Hats for my Mom's birthday, and then a little "child's hat" from Last Minute Knitted Gifts for a 2-year-old's birthday gift (obviously using the left over yarn from the turban). I have to say, I like the child's hat best:

Å herregud

I try to be a nice person, but fundamentally I'm just pretty cranky. Case in point on Friday. I walked across campus for a meeting and my path was blocked by two young women distributing copies of the Book of John. I politely said no thank you and went to the meeting. When it was over I passed them again, and again they went out of their way to get in my way. I swerved around and when one of them asked me if I wanted a copy of the Book of John I said (shaking my head, and with a fairly aggressive tone of voice) : "Pack of lies. Pack of lies!" and kept walking. She shouted back (indignantly): "Ummm, I beg to differ! It's a pack of truth!"

Sigh. What a terrible attempt at communication on both parts. I know I had PMS. Maybe she did too? Either way, it doesn't bode well for peace, love, and understanding in the world. I've just reached a saturation point with proselytizing, and can't even bear to be confronted with it any more.

When I was at a conference last week I shared two 3-hour drives with a colleague who is a professor of religious studies and a life-long, and very dedicated Christian. We had the most wonderful and open conversations about belief and non-belief. I think we both are left with an uplifting feeling of having learned and shared on a pretty deep level. I was so happy to hear him say that he thinks doubt is the only defensible position as a Christian. I don't think I'm anti-belief per se, since it's one of my favorite things to discuss with people I respect and know, but I just can't abide complete strangers shoving it in my face.

While waiting in the airport on the way to that same conference a woman with a "We Need Alan Keyes" button sat down next to me and another guy. They guy looked at the "Boycott MacDonald's" form she was filling out and asked her about it. It turns out her "reason" (in the loosest sense of the word) was that MacDonald's is pro-gay and holds meetings to encourage its employees to become gay. Seriously. He asked her if she was voting for McCain and she said "No way! He's not pro-life" (last time I checked McCain is running on a firm pro-life platform, but who am I to correct this lady?).

She and the guy started exchanging comments about how horrible homosexuality is, and then out of the blue she turns to me (who is diligently knitting and trying to avoid eye contact with the nut jobs) and tells me I need to go see some movie that will "improve your marriage." When I say I don't think I'll do that she goes on the attack "Why not? Don't you want to improve your marriage? I went and it improved my marriage." Not a word about whatever religious message is in the film, because then it would be obvious that she's pushing her religion on strangers, but you have to know the film is religious. To satisfy your morbid curiosity I'm linking to a Christian website that has a description and trailer of the film, which is called Fireproof.

From there the woman went on a rant about how liberals are supposed to be so tolerant, but they're really more closed minded than everyone else. Well, yeah. She's right. I wasn't going to listen to her, so I moved to another seat. I am intolerant. I'm sick of the crap these people spew at complete strangers.

What I don't get is how these people, who know absolutely nothing about who I am, what I believe in, or what my life is like continue to think it's okay to just launch into me. And then if I choose not to drop everything and bow down to whatever cockamamie attitude or deity they're buying into, they get all huffy. What a totally weird way for people to spend their time...