I am the career-oriented, ambitious one. KE could care less, and quite brilliantly set up his life to stay out of the rat race. It's funny how we remember the early discussions so differently: I'm convinced he said he wanted to be a stay-at-home dad, he swears he didn't. Somehow he ended up being one any way. I had the dream job that we had switched continents for me to get, he wasn't up for trying to start up his business again, and had always wanted to get a university degree, so we figured he'd kind of just take classes and take care of the baby who was on the way.
Hah! It's been a bit more than that--he is a full-time student and we split childcare, with a few hours of help each week from my mother. I'd say it varies between about 30-40% for me to 70-60% for him in terms of how we split the child care. Obviously it was more me during the 15 months of breast feeding. We've both sacrificed a lot, but KE has definitely sacrificed more than me. He lives for the day that we actually get into a decent day care (we tried a crappy one for 3 weeks and are holding out for the good one where we're still, 3 years and 3 months into parenthood, on the waiting list).
Now, with the move back to Norway in the works, we're in an odd position of negotiating again. He'll be far more likely than me to find work, and I will be giving up a career that I truly love, and am pretty darned good at. I have no idea what I'll be doing. Maybe just sitting around the house feeling bitter? Rashly going back to school? Trying to write a novel? Turning into a Stepford-wife? Thing is, by the time we're there, there won't really be all that much time before our son is in school. I guess for the first time this evening I have started thinking that maybe I should just focus on trying to be a stay-at-home mom for the last 1-2 years before the kid is packed off to compulsory education. Could I actually do that? And be any good at it? And not bore him out of his mind?
What do these stay at home parents actually do? I mean the hip smartypants ones who write blogs with cool names and read everything. I spend hours and hours at a stretch with our son, but my laptop is always lurking, and email is always coming in (and going out, I'm afraid), and I always know that KE will be home in just a while to relieve me so that I can go off into another room and work (as if I haven't already been halfway working already). Guilt, guilt, guilt. What would my life look like if I didn't have my (wonderfully intellectually challenging and fun) research and (disjointed and overwhelming) job to think about all the time, even when ostensibly playing with my son? My research has for years now been a source of enormous pleasure to me. Not to have those kinds of challenges to ponder and mull over all the time would feel so empty. Could play and housework and errands with my son become some kind of active meditation? Could I channel all my intellectual energy into everyday life?
